Why I Really Left

iT'S NOT WHAT YOU might THINK.

When I brought up to my 19-year-old reserve unit divisional officer my sexual assaults/rape at sea, I wasn’t told how I could get care and support. I contacted the ‘’General Baril support phone line’’ (the former Sexual Misconduct Response Center phone line), but it had been discontinued.

No duty to accommodate me during my surgery

My surgery and other treatments for internal injuries were planned for the fall, but it was postponed to the summer. I found a military summer contract on land and provided the required paperwork to the medic office. That contract was cancelled 3 days in the job, and given to another sailor. I was told that I was required to do my sea time THIS summer, and to do so, I must go do a directed On Job Training (OJT) in Halifax planned to start in June. I proposed alternatives such as non-directed OJT contract offered in BC that was held later that summer, after my surgery. It was explained to me that the military didn't have to accommodate me and that nobody gets special treatments. I was left with two choices: postponing my operation and do my sea time in Halifax in June OR get operated, but find summer work outside of the military. I chose the latter. I managed to find myself a last minute minimum wage summer job. My interview was scheduled within hours after my surgery. Afraid not to get another job opportunity so late in the summer, I went ahead with it, still bleeding and on morphine. I spent the rest of the school year doing extra jobs to compensate for the lost wages from that summer.
When fall started, I was told that I must go through a Career Review Board for not meeting my sea requirements during summer. Lucky me, I was given "another chance” to prove my worth and commitment to fulfill my military duties.

Why I quit the military

Everything spiraled from there. Here are a few examples of what happened after that CRB:

Someone threw my new flaps on the bathroom floor while I was washing my hands. That's how I got promoted;
I went from being responsible for my division to be "re-assigned" as the person "in charged of the divison's environment" where my only job was to make sure that the recycle bin and the garbage can were emptied at the end of the day;
I faced a Training Review Board, after being accused of cheating on a course exam. My ''time off' for my surgery was brought up again during that Review to show my lack of commitment and dedication. I was sent home where I was told that I was a slow learner and reclassified to my former rank and trade.

My military experience started to look like a tangled ball of wool. The more I tried to untangle it, the more knots it was creating. I decided to take a break and go on the Supplementary Reserve. This meant I had to pay my tuition for my last year at university. I never went back in service after that time. I was never informed of care for after service. I never got an interview. After 7 years, I did not even get a ‘’good bye’’. I got a "thank you for your service" two years later, in a negative response for a grievance I submitted a year before I quit.

Nowhere to turn for help

I contacted Veterans Affairs Canada to see if I, a reservist on SupRes, can be eligible to mental health services. I was forwarded to voicemails. I never got an answer. I went in person to a VAC Office. I was told that my post-operation documentation was not a significant proof to get anything. I eventually contacted the Veterans Affairs Ombudsman's Office. I was told that they only make sure that processes are being followed and that it was not in their scope to advocate for change. I called the Bureau Pension Advocate. I was told that the BPA was taken cases rejected by VAC, not the ones that VAC refuses to allow to proceed. I was left with no recourse.
At my initial meeting with OSISS, I was recommended to join the program for the military spouses and to contact the EFAP program so that I can get six paid mental health sessions. It was not even enough to get me a diagnosis. Afterwards, I paid out of pocket. After our move, I contacted the local OSISS again. This time, I was accepted in the program. I learned about benefits, services and other programs I have never heard of before. I received help to access the Vocational Rehab program (mental health) and to fill my VAC paperwork. After 11 years, I got a diagnosis with PTSD, access to paid continuous care for 18 months and peer support. (Side note: It will take until 2016, after years of hard push from 22 members of the IJ700 group, to see the adjudication processes for Military Sexual Trauma change so MST survivors, like myself, can get granted benefits and more long term care).
This is when I realized how we, MST survivors, are being left out. How not letting us access programs for CAF members and Veterans ill and injured hurts us. Since then, I have redirected many MST survivors to their OSISS local centres, but not all centres accept MST survivors.

Our current situation

While, Canadian Armed Forces members and Veterans dealing with an operational stress injury, and even their spouses, are getting peer support tailored to their needs, MST survivors are being referred to sexual assault groups for women in the community they just happened to be posted in. We are facing longer waiting lists to get access to inconsistent, often unilingual support handled by professionals disconnected with our military/veteran’s needs. We are being deprived of easy access to information about CFWS programs and a professional able to act as a reference (often required) to attend events, programs and activities for the ill and injured and their families. By the time the information is online, the spots are usually filled by people with connections with an insider (such as an OSISS Coordinator) able to “push” applications. We are not informed about new DND / VAC processes, policies, surveys and research. We don’t have a place where we can discuss with others struggling with transitions, transfers to Integrated Personnel Support Centre (IPSC), VAC claims or CAF-VAC- SISSIP processes. We have fewer options to keep a connection to military life after service.

Our Failed Attempts to get the services we need

We have been asking for over five years to get access to support equitable to the one offered to CAF and Veterans dealing with Operational Injuries. Our numerous requests have been turned down. Here are a few:

Talks with OSISS

On January 7, 2016, after two years and four requests made by MST survivors turned down by OSISS, I sent an email to the director of the OSISS program. After two weeks of radio silence, I contacted the next person in line. I was told that it is not in OSISS mandate to help MST survivors, there is no interested in expanding OSISS mandate and that if MST Survivors want to know about DND and VAC programs, activities and events, they can always go to the Canadian Forces Morale and Welfare Services (CFMWS) website.

Talks with CSRT

January 2016, I emailed the CSRT asking what can be done about this. I was told to either call the Chief Military Personnel (General Whitecross) or the Ombudsman. Since I tried the latter in vain, I asked for the CMP email address. The next day, I got an email from the CSRT asking for more time to “explore who or what would be the most appropriate mechanism/s to address the issue of expanding the peer support mandate.’’ I never got clarifications afterwards.

Talks With SMRC

January 2016, over the phone, the SMRC told me to understand that men may not feel comfortable with us being there. I was told to ‘’be patient’’ and ‘understanding’’.

a THrEE yEAR Broken promise

2016: The Second progress report announced that a ‘’peer support network would be fully developed over the next six months’’. That never happened.
2017: The Third Progress Report reiterated that ‘’Victim Needs Analysis confirmed the requirement for a peer support program for Harmful and Inappropriate Sexual Behaviour (HISB) victims and CAF research into effective models and potential frameworks has already been completed.’’ Yet the peer support program promised to be running by February 2016 never happened. Instead, the Director General Military Personnel Research and Analysis (DGMPRA) started conducting a Victim Support Study to ‘’examine the experiences MST survivors to find ways ‘’to improve the programs and services offered’’
2018: The 2018 federal budget committed $5.5 million over four years to rape crisis centres close to military bases. That money has not been spent yet. We don’t know what kind of services will be offered or how this money will be spent. Victims were not consulted on this strategy. It was recommended by rape crisis centres.
2019 : The fourth Progress Report does not mention the development of any peer support at all.

FILLING THE GAP

We have been supporting each others the best we can for over four years, while waiting for the military to provide us with the desperately needed services we have been requesting for years. We built our own online support. Some of us provide in-person support during trials, depositions and meetings with health professionals. We do the late night calls and the crisis calls for MST Vets and current members. We look after someone's' kids or help one of us find a temporary roof. We organize coffee meetings in grocery stores and Tim Hortons. We share programs, news and services we find through the grape vines or on other online groups. We identify the gaps we are experiencing and witnessing and advocate for change. We are acknowledged, sometimes even heard, but too often told that our small number makes us a low priority.

programs should serve all ill and injured

Like any other veterans, MST survivors need help to navigate the system and a way to stay informed about support and programs tailored to injured CAF members, veterans and their families. We believe Government funded programs for the ill and injured should serve All CAF members and veterans, regardless of the type of injuries. Giving us a subsidiary standard of care, away from military view and our peers, using a temporary budget is not the solution.